New Boobs for Christmas!
Yes, I just said that, and NO this is not a “perk” of having had Breast Cancer.
I am going to talk about boobs again. I know, you are most likely tired and un- interested in the world of boobs and breast cancer by now. SIGH. Me too my friend, me too. Since my diagnoses, I am not kidding you, I have purchased about 12-15 bras. I have been trying to find comfort in my body. They range in price from the Walmart $20 sports bras to $125 custom fit mastectomy style bras. WTF? Ya, I know, my thoughts exactly. I have now realized the answer is not with the bra…ha ha ha.
A few weeks ago I had the absolute privilege to meet with my plastic surgeon at M-SH. I booked this appointment about 10 months ago, simply to learn more about reconstruction, but not to actually do more surgery. I learned from my oncologist that it would be best if I wait a year from radiation to have any surgery on the breast that was radiated. Skin that has been radiated is more difficult to work with and includes high risks in surgery. I asked my surgeon many questions, double checked with her regarding my fears and I really surprised myself.
I was in, all in. I am getting new boobs for Christmas!
I didn’t realize how much I have been craving more comfort in my body.
My mindset has changed since my partial mastectomy. After the cancer was removed, with clear margins along with3 lymphnodes I promised myself that I would be thankful for what I have left and never fuss about my boobs again. I would move forward and beyond the body image issues, beyond the comfort issues. Unless more cancer was found and needed to be removed, I was going to live lop-sided, with 1.5 boobs. I was alive dammit and I was going to remind myself of this daily. Absolutely no un warranted procedures! That was my thinking.
Fast forward to today. I am feeling stronger, more vibrant with more energy. I am on a new path with Yoga Teacher Training and I see myself in the future teaching beautiful classes that empower my students to feel comfortable in their own skin. A - HA! It is time to walk the talk.
Now Enter Guilt. Damn.
This is a procedure that could seem lavish, unnecessary, or cosmetic. I could let myself see it that way. The fact that I want to write this down and have someone read it, is a reminder to myself that I am seeking approval from people around me. I am seeking to not be judged and for others to agree with me on this decision. I am questioning that living for quality of life is enough. I am reminding myself that my team of doctors and health care workers always knew my purpose through cancer treatment was QUALITY of life. Quality of life is my new moral code.
Let me just remind myself here, for a moment…..self, it’s all about quality of life after cancer, remember this please.
I know I am not alone when it comes to making decisions through illness, or anything really. Guilt can sweep us away if we let it. The practice of changing your brain, your perspective, or your mindset is powerful! So that’s what I am doing. I am having surgery and it will be difficult and empowering all at the same time.
Thank you for reading friends!
Be your BREAST self!